do not afraid to walk this world alone ♥ - Nadya Alias

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Eternally lost

I don't want to share my stories with everyone. After a long hiatus, I've finally comeback with a fade feelings. I decided to write something, I need something to calm me down. Honestly, I don't even know my real feelings towards you. Day by day, I miss you more and more. So, this is what we called love? Tell me anyone?. I never success in my love, and I hate it. I admit that I afraid towards love. I tried my best to ignore the fact that love,forever exist in the air. By busying myself with another things and kpop world. I even forgot how it's feel when we loves someone. How it's feel when we fall in love. 

It started when the first time I meet you. You, the guy who make my heart aching.You're sweet. I knew that time, you were looking at me. Although it just like a second, I saw it..I deny my feeling by saying I only being pervert because there was a cute good looking guy in front of me. At that time, my heart started confused. I calm myself and said 'InsyaAllah, kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana' I repeated it but that's didn't change the fact that my heart still feel something uneasy. On the spot I prayed to Allah 'Jika di takdirkan dia untuk ku, kau semaikan lah kasih ku kepadanya. Tetapi, jikalau dia bukan di takdirkan untuk ku, kau jauhilah dia dari ku'. I tried to acted like a normal teenagers. 

My heart started throbbing when I picked my thing at your place. We're so close. You looked shocked and I afraid to look at your eyes haha. Those beautiful memories,I will keep it close in my mind. And your precious present for me. Your smile :) You only smiled at me....I don't understand. Why just me? like 5 times you smiled at me. Until now, I'm still hoping I can see your sweet smiles. Everyday I pray for your best. I don't want your smiles fade from your face. I also noticed whenever I missed you, you always came into my dream. I hate it. It just make me miss you more and more. Sometimes I feel too tired with all this things. Almost everyday I stalked your facebook. I thought when I looked at your photos it will make this feeling fly far way. But I'm totally wrong. I can't bear with this feeling. You haunted me every time when I'm alone. 

Today, I goggled your name, and fate brought me to this girl's blog. Then, I saw your name with a love '............. ♥'. Inside my heart, I'm crying because it feel so pain. She's was your Ex Girlfriend. I read her old entry....there was a post...you proposed her. You called her 'Sayang' and you said 'Sayang, will you marry me?' I want to run away from this world. I don't know how to explain what I feel. I cried. Well, I also did read her post about breaking up with you. I exactly don't know the real date. But, at her post it stated 5 June 2012. The day we meet 19 June 2012. At that time, are you still love her? thinking about her? missing her? are you? answer me....help me, hold me, I know, she still loves you.I'm too weak for all this.

 I don't want to give up just like that. I will stand for you. That's my promise. That moment when you stared into my eyes and I did the same to you. I felt something, but I don't know what it is. They told me you were looking at me when I'm in my own world. Deep in my heart, I'm so happy to hear that. Do Allah want to test us?. You're special for me. I don't want to lose you and I will hold you tight. I don't want to say I'm in love with you. But, I will wait for you...till jannah :)
lots of love, Nadya.

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