do not afraid to walk this world alone ♥ - Nadya Alias

Friday, 15 July 2016

Random #1

Yup, the time finally has come and I still wonder why I picked today out of days? Is it because I had enough with life or I have reach the limit of feeling loneliness. Either two of the options have the specific answer.

Why am I writing again, Is it because I feel sad or is it because I want to pour everything in alphabet forms instead of to put myself in tears again. Well, no one ever knows how long I can continue typing my thoughts out, probably I will stop later because of the frustration again.

Nah, tonight I will just go with the flow and push away all the grammar rules. If the grammar nazi want to beat me up, it's okay I'm fine with that. So because there are so many thing in my mind that are dying to escape I honestly do not know where to start.

Since the problem between my mom are sitting on tip of my brain so yeah I will talk about that first. Hmm, it's already been almost a week I try to cut contact with my mom. Nothing big, just a small misunderstanding. Since born, I'm a person who bond to think that everything is important. Everything that happened around me, I believe there must be reason why it happens but if I have decided to not put my care about something, things must have been a little bit worst. So in this case, my mom are being bias towards her daughters and her sons of course. I was nowhere putting myself in the quarrel between my mom and my sister but end up I get chewed out by her just because she want to protect her son. Ah, cruel world. If the blame are on me, I wouldn't mind getting chew out by her. Thanks to my strong heart that have bear all her ruthless words during my 19 years of living in this world. But during this case, I do not understand why must she put the blame on me? Is it clear that my sister who the one that was talking back to her. Hah. I'm not saying that I need her attention and need her to apologize, ahh I don't even know what I want. I just want distance myself from everyone because I had enough.

I seriously love the distance when it comes to family, less problem, more yearn. Distance clearly will make things simple for me. It really helps me to figure things out more easily. If we love each other, we will miss each other and together we will countdown the minute when we will be meeting. In the other way, If the feeling are not strong enough the distance will help us built the courage to move on. Unfortunately, I hate distance too. Especially when the people we need are thousand miles away from us. As an example, when I have problems with my roommates and its 2 vs 1. During that time, I just want to run away and fly through the distance to get someone I know back home. I hate the facts that I'm hiding behind the distance so people can have the wrong idea about me on how I can be strong to face all of it. Okay, the end. Gonna continue this later like I said, I stop when I want to stop.